I started this blog in the midst of some of my most darkest hours in my life. My journey began about 6 years ago when I was confronted with the dark side that I spent a lifetime running away from. I've battles this side many times now, this hopefully being the last. Looking hindsight, i think that these other times were prepareing me for the actual journey down this road.
It's not a journey that we choose, it's something that has already been chosen for us.It's destined. Each person must go down this path . We may try to run or hide from it, we may ignore it or wish it away, but in time it will demand it's recognition. There is no escaping it because it is a part of us. It's purpose is not to bring us down or to cause us harm. Though it is a very slow and pain painstakingly long journey, it's purpose is to create balance between the dark and the light. To help gain a better understanding of ourselves, even the most hidden side.
So, what is the Dark Night of the Soul? It's a period in our lives where we must go beyond the surface of ourselves and to dive in the deepest and darkest parts of our soul. This is where pain, sadness and self doubt have created their domain. This garden was created by all the seeds that we have tossed away and prayed would be forever forgotten. Though there is little light, these seeds grow by feeding off of the shadows within.
When I started down the path of self discovery, it was because the shadows caught up to me and I had no place to run or hide anymore. There was only one direction I could go and that was inward. It was during this time where fear and panic ruled my every fiber. I couldn't live. I spent days crying and I had absolutely no idea why. I couldn't drive, work, or even take my kids to the park without having a major panic attack. Spirits taunted and laughed at me. My children cried with me. That was my changing point, to see the pain that my pain was causing my children, that day I made a decision. I wasn't going to be devoured by the darkness anymore. I knew I had to continue down the path in order to restore the peace and balance. I knew I had no choice but to clear away all of the past debrie, and so in the dark and all alone, i began to pull the weeds one by one. I had to face the fears in order to know the truth of my fears and where they came from. I had to understand who I was and what it was that I was running from. With each weed I pulled, I held it tight. I felt the string of each emotion and each memeory it represented. I grieved. And when I was ready, I sent it to the light. Day by day, one by one.
Most of the weeds are now gone and my garden, though still lives in the dark, there is now a small light that keeps the shadows at bay and allows my garden to grow the way it was meant to. It will never loose it's purpose, it will always take the unwanted seeds that we throw aside, and the seeds will continue to grow. But now we become keepers of the garden and we learn to honor and cherish this aspect of ourselves. We are no longer afraid of this side because we are now aware and connected to it's purpose.
When we tend to our garden regularly we create balance within all aspects of ourselves for the garden will no longer be overgrown or out of control. We except this garden and cherish it just like the other gardens that we have and are no longer afraid for we are now connected. We understand that one garden is no greater than the other for they are all interconnected and bring us blessings in their own way. They are unique and different, yet special. When we honor the dark, we honor the light and therefore honor each and every aspect of ourselves.