She stood it the vast open space. There was nowhere to look, nothing as far as the eye can see. She looked down at her toes, bare in the dark grey silt. She wiggled them and a small puff of dust rose in the air and dissipated into nothing. She had her tool box and her paint brush, and she waited patiently.
“God are you here?” She called.
“Always right behind you” He smiled.
“May I start”, she asked hopefully.
“Of course my dear” He answered, “ I will help out when needed, but remember it’s your world”.
She had been watching this happen so often she had a great idea how she wanted this to be. It was time for her test. She was so excited she could barely contain herself. Actually this was the first time she had been contained. She glanced down again at her toes, then up her legs until she took in the full look of her vessel. She was happy He gave her a healthy one for her first time. But still it was so limited. At first she felt trapped, then like a barrier was between her and God. But He assured her she was just as close to him as she always had been. She watched as he put that piece of Him in her, the soul He said, and then attached Himself to her with the Holy Spirit so they could still communicate. She still felt like she was dangling away from Him, but that was part of it all. To know what it feels like not to feel His full light.
At first it terrified her, but she knew it was temporary so she relaxed into it all and decided to have some fun with it. She knew she was on a round planet in a group of planets that orbited a Sun. She looked around and saw the splendor He had put here. She was still on the outside looking in. There were cities, farms, barren lands, many different environments and times to choose from.
She took her brush and painted simple rolling hills, all around her. Gentle slopes, the rise and fall gave them some presence, but she wanted more. She painted lush grass on the hills in two tone greens. God gave it a breeze and it seemed to flow back and forth like a gentle wave. She clapped her hands in joy, it was so lovely. “Wait she said”, and with a bit of color she added little wild flowers to the landscape. They popped up like little pink, purple and yellow smiles.
“Is this okay?” she asked.
“It’s your world” He reminded her.
She had seen this done so many times, choosing was hard. She smiled and remembered trees. Yes big round oak trees. She added a few here and there, to help break up the meadow. She knew the trees and grass would need water, so she added a lovely little stream. The water flowed silently until she added some rocks for it to tumble over; it made a light laughter sound that filled the silent air.
She looked at the trees and decided to add some birds. She went for the gusto and put a peacock pair in one tree, the rich plumage of jewel tone blues and greens brightened up her landscape, their cry piecing the air, a wonderful contrast to the gurgling stream. She added some smaller song birds to twitter and warble in a harmony with the sounds around them. She stood in awe at what she was finding, the intricate blending of sounds, tones and colors.
She hesitated and looked to God, as He said “you are doing well, please continue”.
She smiled; He knew her love of the horse, that strong majestic animal that consented to allow humans to harness their strength. The big bold bodies, large kind liquid eyes, shiny coats, she painted them with big hearts, sound minds and great spirit. Animals that just in running across the field would capture her heart. She sat down in the tall grass and just gazed at them for a time. They were one more thing to fill her heart with joy.
She had given Him her mission statement, and at the time it seemed very simple. God approved it immediately but warned her it wouldn’t be as easy as she thought. Your world will be shared by many others He told her. And as the rules state, after a time you will no longer remember your task.
She thought she had this covered, she would put messages in the wind, the earth and the animals to remind her of her task. Things with great meaning that there would be no way she wouldn’t remember. Of course she wasn’t the first to try this and she would find it harder to see the messages that she could have ever imagined.
It was time to go, and God gently shined his light on her and through her to give her that added confidence she would need. She found herself smaller and in a very tight space, but it was warm and she wanted for nothing. All of a sudden there was a pressure, a great pushing and down a narrow canal she was forced, out into the bright light and the cold! What have I done! she thought and squalled her fear. She was quickly cleaned and swaddled and place in very loving arms. She told herself she would remember, and she tried, she tried so hard, but by the time she was able to do just more than look into her mother’s eyes the memories started to fade and her new task had begun.
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Wild Empath Chronicles Random thoughts on my ride
I love this church and I think of the people in it often, the trials and accomplishments we share. We are all so different, but as I learn more about each person I see great strength in every single one. Some it’s very obvious, they are bold, bright and self assured. Willing to help anyone out if they can, the gentle hand up when needed. You read this description and think they are the teachers. You think wrong. Every person here is student and teacher. Every person has things they don’t know and every person here has something they can share. Those that may at first appear weak, confused, or troubled; you may not see the incredible strength they hold. They feel everything at such a great spectrum yet here they are seeking help, knowing, wanting to over come these trials to feel one with the world. That great first step has been taken, the walk out of the void and into the masses. Masses of others just like them, to see that there is a whole community of people that understand. The bliss, the freedom that it holds is amazing.
I think these thoughts as I go get my gelding. It’s a beautiful day and I need my outside time. I saddle up and head for the trails. He is ready and willing. We trot through the morning sun, gentle cool breeze blowing through the trees. We are heading into the woods, at a gentle climb. My mind wanders to a conversation I had with a friend. There was discussion on my old Empath Chronicles and how they were mostly on a sad negative note. Not my way usually, and I was a bit ashamed I only shared the ugly in my life.
I thought about it, and for some of the magical moments in my life I don’t possess the proper vocabulary to properly describe my feelings. Perhaps the words don’t exist. The good things that happen I don’t over analyze, I accept them for the beautiful wonderful things they are, and carry them with me always. The negative things require more logical thought for some reason, they must be understood, learned from and filed away to make sure they don’t happen again. That must be why the human brain thinks it remembers the bad better than the good. The good is stored in the heart, feelings, part of the spirit to be called on when needed to boost a bad day, or lighten a load.
I follow the trail and see a wild turkey in the brush, a big beautiful bird, just wandering around. I idly wondered if he was lost, for some reason it puts a smile on my face. We follow the trail to the creek. A true babbling brook, small enough to jump across with enough stones for the water to trickle by it makes that wonderful gentle running water sound. I head down to it, dismount and tie my gelding to a tree. I walk down to the creek and sit in the dirt. The scene is like a post card, dappled sunlight through the trees, the sides of the bank overgrown with vines and bushes, the breeze still gentle through my hair, as I sit, listening to the sounds of the water, smelling the life of the forest, and seeing the movement of the water. I feel the life all around me, gentle and comforting. My mind wanders again
I think of a friend I haven’t heard from in a while, and hope they are okay. I know the worry is needless, but I do so anyway. I smile, its how some folks show they care. I realized there are many I worry about, and many that have my heart. In a way it is liberating to know you can open up so fully if you choose. To love and share as you see fit. I needs not be returned, and if it is that is the greatest gift of all. There is nothing more precious to me than love given freely. So often there is attempt to force such a thing. But to do so, destroys the gift, and makes it a burden.
I close my eyes and breathe deep, taking in the gentle cool essence of the creek, listening to the water washing over the smooth round stones. She speaks to me. It’s the Mother, our planet. Its not often I give her my mind, but today its Hers. I worry about Her too. She is not frail, She is not weak, She is complete in her self. We think we harm her, She laughs. We build structures to please the ego, She shivers a bit and they are knocked to the ground. We foul her waters; She hiccups and cleanses the ocean in one small effort. She is all, and feels all. We need Her, we are all connected. I worry about the devastation we cause, to Her its just one more thing. When She has had enough She will reclaim her land and seas. It is not for Her she worries, but for us. She will do what is necessary to maintain Herself, it will be the people and animals that suffer. She will feel that pain, but will do what must be done. She is mother, God the Father. Both smile gently at the foolishness of the human race, both knowing the sadness that will be Theirs as they cleanse this world and make it worthy for yet another round of human habitation.
Many holy books speak of this cleansing. People fight over which thought is right, what to call God, how to honor Him or Her. They argue which people are better, kinder, nobler, who is best. What path is the one all should take? No one has the right to choose another’s path. It is a private thing, not to be argued, or shamed. Yet people die for their beliefs every day. I wonder if I would ever be that strong as to face death for my knowing of my heart, to stand tall, with honor and pride at my conviction. I pray I am never tested, and I pray that if I am I will be worthy.
My gelding is agitated; the turkey I saw earlier reminds me that where there is prey there are predators. It is the way of nature, brutal and beautiful in its simplicity. I get up from my peaceful resting spot, take one last look at the beautiful scene and get back on my horse and head down the trail.
My mind is very restless as I leave the shady woods to walk alongside a manmade canal. The water flowing does not smell as sweet, or sound as gentle. There is no life here, just water in concrete forced to go this way or that. Necessary for our lives, but not the gentle natural flow of the little creek I just enjoyed a few minutes ago.
My gelding has had enough of this gentle thinking and meandering through the woods. He wants to play, and as we near a running spot, I feel his energy charge through him. He is a strong and powerful force all his own. I feel the muscles tense, and the joy he is waiting for. I let him fly. His mind is of a wild nature, to run free across the plains just for the joy of the power, speed and movement. To run with the herd, but that isn’t his life now, he is not free. Not free to fear predators, not free to starve or die of thirst. But every now and then I give him as much freedom as I can, and he is willing to share that joy with me. It is an honor, one I cannot describe in words.
As I near home, I feel a presence, my friend I was worried for, and a quiet voice in my mind, I am fine, please don’t worry. And now I won’t.
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She had made her plan, thought it all out very carefully. As her health was deteriorating, the disease had taken over. She lay there listening to the beeps of the monitor, the whir of some machine. There was no movement this time of night. Rounds were over, and she could hear the nurses softly talking to each other and the occasional chuckle. She had gently pulled out one of the plugs earlier so the machine alarm went off; she had managed to move it enough so it looked like she got up. She didn’t want anyone to get into any trouble. She hid the little syringe in her covers, the gal that left it on the tray didn’t notice. All was in ready, but she has so weak she could barely raise her head to see what she was doing. Just a little air in the tube and her heart would stop; she had heard that many times in her life and hoped it was true.
The financial burden she caused was too much for her family to bear, she knew she wouldn’t get better and this was the best thing she could do for them. It was the best for her as well, she hurt, oh dear lord she hurt. She tried so hard not to complain, and didn’t want to be so drugged up all the time. Yes, this was the best thing for everyone. She looked at her hands, at 40 they should still look young and strong, but they were old looking, big veins and thin. She pulled the plunger back and sucked the air in the barrel, found the tube that run into her vein and with all the strength she possessed she pushed the needle through the tube and pushed the plunger down. She idly watched the air bubble going through the tube, the next thing she knew there was motion around her and great pain. She took solace in that pain knowing it wasn’t going to last forever, knowing her time of suffering was ended.
She felt the struggle of intent in the room, those trying to do what must be done to save her, but she was already gone. She felt light, she was light, and she found herself attracted to other lights and soon they were all together in one place. She felt a great source behind here and she recalled what was to happen next. They would view her life together to see how she had done. Time had no meaning here and they were actually watching it in real time. She smiled as she saw her first step, riding her bike without training wheels, her parents pride at her accomplishments, there sorrow at her failures. They did try to hide it, but a kid just knows when they let their parents down.
She saw her crazy times, the wild streak they tried so hard to tame, the joys of freedom, the need for security. The lessons learned one by one, the lessons that took a few time to learn were the most amazing to watch. It was so obvious from this view, but at the time it didn’t seem so.
All the while as they watched there was no judgment. No shame, no worries. All just was what it was.
As she grew older she saw joy of her wedding, the birth of her children, the making of a world that was all her doing. The home they built, the bonds they made, the lessons the children learned as well. All wasn’t picture perfect, but it was good enough. Every life must have some strife or you don’t appreciate the good times. She smiled as it rolled by, until the illness. God stood behind her as she watched her body betray her, wondering what she did wrong, struggling to defeat the foe that was so small it couldn’t be seen with the naked eye.
As she watched herself end her life, the vision continued, she saw pain in the eyes of the nurses, the questioning glances to each other at the syringe, the gentle sadness as they covered her face.
Then she saw her family, grief stricken and very angry. Should couldn’t understand the anger, she did this for them after all. Perhaps it was how they were dealing with her leaving. But no, it was something else. She listened very carefully. “The doctor had just called me the day before, they had found a donor” she heard her husband say to a friend. “She only had to wait one more day.”
She turned to God,” is this true! Did I make a mistake, did I fail!”
“No” He said gently, “the only thing you did was loose faith in Me. I had it covered, I always do.”
She was horrified at His words. The only real lesson she had to learn the most important one, the one she thought she had down, and she forgot.
When God He is speaking, That voice in your ear
He talks of your joys, He shows you your fears
The pain of the others, The weary and lost
Those that have found Him, At joy and at cost
They call Him the savior, They greet him with cheer
They forget with the knowledge, That binds us all here
To draw Him the open, To welcome with glee
To live through His might, With bowed head and bent knee
To see it is coming, To taste this new test
There is no great winner, There is no real best
The sorrow it comes, The balance be made
The payment extracted, For the table we have laid
We fight and we conquer, We chose our new foe
We say we are righteous, But inside we all know
The love we have in us, We hide and we dare
We choose only the worthy, To honor and share
But now time has come, To look what we wrought
To wonder the payment, For what we have bought
So we sit and we ponder, We try not to think
We are sick with the knowing, We are the weak link
It’s time to take hold, To do what is right
To share that love, To honor His light
So smile with knowledge, And find joy in what you see
Start your day with grace, And be what you are to be
Open your heart, Be brave and to dare
For all He really wanted, Was for us to care
