I find ego is the most fascinating topic of all. Ego, at its best, can fake our identity as a healthy, secure, balanced, fulfilled, vital individual in this world. It can build our confidence to take on great and noble challenges, and it can help us create an example, or a legacy, from which our children, and others, may learn and grow.
We need to recognize a deeper, more substantial aspect of our beings. The ego is the part of us that provides the opportunity for us to get jealous, possessive, anxious, judgmental, fearful and self-conscious. In reality, the ego is a protector of our individuality.
Who or what we really are is the essence of God – love and light. We have allowed our egos to define what that means, instead of our true being or essence. Our egos take the concept of love and turn it into a “need” to be loved and a “need” to love, rather than just being love. Through the eyes of ego, the essence of being loved turns into the need for approval. When we think we need love, we suddenly feel lack or scarcity and then, we turn into energy predators trying to suck approval out of everyone we meet in order to fill that need.
Through the eyes of ego, the essence of being “loving” turns into a need for control. When we think we need to be loving, we try to change everyone around us so that we can fulfill our need in being loving. While we all have experienced both the need for approval and the need for control, one of the two becomes our mode of operation or stronger objective and ironically, we attract partners with an opposite need. We form the perfect approval/control dysfunctional relationships.
Think about magnets with two end of positive and negative polarity. If you put them together positive to positive, they will repel. If you put them together positive to negative they will attract. If left in close proximity, the magnetic pull will cause the magnet to flip around in order to attract to the other. Our egos are a bit like this. One end of the "ego-magnet" is the need for approval and the other end is the need for control. We all tend to have both, but we tend to lead in our relationships with one or the other and we tend to attract the opposite or evoke the opposite in others; if we are ego driven. A person with a strong need for approval will attract another's need for control. A person with a strong need for control will attract another's need for approval. Then we hook up in relationships that are, ultimately, an ego ballet instead of a real "relationship".
When we live ego driven lives, we operate in complete illusion. In truth we have no control over anyone and it is impossible to get true approval when we are not being authentic. Exercise the act of noticing yourself in conflict with someone. What are you feeling or thinking? Are you experiencing a need for approval or a need for control? If you are judgemental, you are screaming for control. Just take a deep breath and let go of your need for control. Return to who you really are, go back to love and compassion. Frequently we find that when we let go of our need to control, we are able to actually accept others and allow them their own choices and consequences on their life’s journey.
On the flip side of this if, you are constantly wondering if you are doing it right (or wrong), and what are others going to think about this and that, your ego is displaying a need for approval. At this moment, try and remember that, this is your desire to be loved, but your ego’s want actually blocks your ability to be loved. Take a deep breath and let go of your need for approval. The only approval you need is your own and Great Energy’s. When you are in alignment with your higher self, truly authentic, the world will have no choice but to love you.
Ego only sees separateness. That is its function. It sees everything as a challenge to overcome or as a battle or fight to win. In that, it is unable to perceive the “oneness” or the unity that we have with others, with life or with our inner selves. Ego is supposed to be unconscious and that is how it acts. Keeping your ego tamed allows you to be conscious, to fully embrace the unity, without its interference.
In Love and Light,
EL