I have seen a number of posts lately, and thought I would have to share a discussion I had with my daughter. (And yes, I remember that I am guilty of what I am about to discuss).
My oldest daughter is deaf. She was born that way, genetics the doctors said. While she does have a bit of hearing, she still claims the title deaf. At the time this was medically confirmed, I decided to have her learn total communications (which included both speech and American Sign Language). I and her sisters (as they joined our family) also learned ASL. Today, at 28 years of age, you wouldn't know she was deaf unless you knew what a deaf accent sounded like. She can speak very clearly and very well. Sometimes she guesses at what others say because lip reading is never a perfected art....and will always be flawed. She has worked very hard at making her life the way it is. She is succeeding beyond what I thought possible when I was first told she was deaf.
Anyway, she and I had a conversation about the PC term "disabled". She loathes that term. She told me to think about what picture comes to mind when someone says "disabled". For example, she used a car. If a car is disabled, then there is something wrong with it. Something needs fixed for it to work. This carries with it negative connotations. She prefers to be known as "handicapped", and refers to golf or bowling. When someone has a handicap, then credit is given to even the playing field. This doesn't mean the person doesn't have to work just as hard as the next, just that they begin on a more even playing field.
I have a very smart daughter. She has learned never to use her "handicap" as an excuse to be less. Never used it as an excuse to invoke pity. In fact, unless you have a NEED to know she is deaf, she will not tell you. Her doctors will be told, teachers, if she has contact with police, and friends who have earned the privilege.....otherwise, just meeting her, she won't tell you. She doesn't want to hear the common "I'm sorry". She is not sorry. She has learned so much from being deaf. More and differently than I have. I admire her and thought I would share her perception. If this could help one understand, then I am glad I shared.
