Yesterday, the day of my ordination (Thanks to the Good Folks here at ULC), I layed upon my bed and thought. My mind wandered through and wondered about many different things, from obscenities and love to pain and despair. I wondered why people chose to do bad things. I wondered what it meant to love everyone. And then I wondered about the word "Holy."
Holy is an odd word, with enourmous connotations and extensive spiritual use, but little understanding. It's almost a word that is intuitively understood in its use. I recall growing up, my years in the Christian Church, where I was told that "Holy" meant "Set apart from." Well, set apart from what? They didn't really clarify, it probably depends on the context of the word. After meditating upon the word Holy, I began thinking about my own life. Growing up, I'd always been "different", "odd", or, most commonly, "weird". Weird became almost a mantra to me, as the first mantra I did come up with demonstrates: "Normality is a misconception of the human mind." All those years getting picked on or remarked about due to my differences seem to have really payed off. Without them, I wouldn't have realized that "weird" is just another way to say "holy".
Now there's many things you can do with this understanding, but I chose to embrace it. I've been on a continual search for God/Truth since I was still a Christian. I left the church for various reasons and began searching for God on my own terms. I looked through many different religions and philosophies, but I couldn't settle on anything. I was struck by attraction to various religions for all sorts of reasons. Taoism synched with me philosophically. Norse Paganism fed me spiritually. Buddhism gave me practices and meditation. But nothing offered a complete picture to me. More so, I still hadn't had a religious experience yet. I'd talked to God many times, but I never heard him talk back.
Because of this, I held a grudge about praying for a very long time. It seemed a futile and frustrating thing to me, since I never heard an answer or response. However, finally, after years of searching and all sorts of experiences, I had a revelation one day. It wasn't random, by any means, but it was certainly a revelation. Since then, I've been working on my own thing, meeting reality on terms that actually suited me. This was the most rewarding experience of my life and I hope to spend the rest of my life in pursuit of this balance and Truth that I glimpsed on that day. Of course, having a Goddess in your everyday life makes it that much easier.
This is really only one blog amongst the many that I'm working on. I make many spiritual and philosophical posts upon my personal blog and I'll try to cross post them here. I look forward to many, many years of spiritual cultivation and helping whoever I can.
Love
Blessings and blessed be
Rev Jeff