Over the years, I have struggled to find purpose and exsistance in the world. Ear bent by the message conveyed by everyone else, I turned a cold shoulder to my inner voice. As this year, of 2014, has progressed, I have overcome so may hurdles and met so many milestones.
I discovered my purpose is to love. Give it. Receive it. Spread it. Share it. Encourage it. See it. Be it.
"I love on purpose, with purpose. And there's not a damn thing to stop me because that is my purpose." -Shonna Franks
My love runs deep, deeper than the roots of ancient trees. Even if the tree has fallen, my love has fallen back to earth as seeds, to be reborn again and again in a beautiful cycle. It has gone through the ages and will proceed forward even in the most subtle of ways. It's vast and complex, yet once you understand, you get it. In every little thing there is, there is love, some kind of love. A love of chocolate, a love of self, a love of every crooked stretch mark on a soft belly, a love of laughter from a child's voice, a love of the color blue, a love for you. It's my super power, my secret weapon and the most beautiful part about me.
Through the path of healing from one trauma, I discovered my purpose. One act of selfishness released the selfless love I can offer to the world and to myself. It's by no way an easily traveled road and it never will be. Love requires work, love is hard and yet it is the most fulfilling sense of being. And everyone deserves it in some way. Don't argue this. At some point in every life, love was deserved. It might not have been there, but no one ever deserves to be unloved their whole life. We learn not to love from others that have been taught the same.
I have seen lack of love, I have felt lack of love, I feared that sensation to the point pleasing others at my own risk filled the void. As a kid, when I saw a lack of love in others, my whole heart ached, down, deep to the bottom of my soul; I never understood why I tried so hard to bring a shred of love to someone who didn't know what it was. All these years, my purpose was right there in every action I took, every hurting heart I pitied, my purpose is to love. I give love freely and openly, with a little bit more restraint and awareness. Not everyone needs as much love I as I have to give.
You might not believe in love, or that you deserve it. That won't stop me from giving you something, even if it's just a smile or a kind gesture. I never ask for payment or repayment. Just take this little bit of love, let it be yours. If you wish to give it to another, then do so, but do it with your own love. My love is for you. My love has frightened some people, it's intense and foreign to them. Those that want love the most, fear it the most; what if I get it and blow it? What if I don't get enough? What if I can't give enough? What if they don't love me back? What if we fall out of love? Fear is fear, attaching it to love is unnatural but widely done. Love isn't that complex, no really, it's not. Love is taking out the trash, even if it's raining. Love is listening to them bitch about their day, even if you think your's was worse. Love is uplifting and never demeans you. Love is tough and sometimes you really have to work at it. Love is wiping away the tears. Love is their favorite ice cream. I give love, on purpose. Because the smallest thing can be love for someone. The smallest thing can push the fear back. It can keep it back and help to bring their love forward. I don't want your love unless you need to give it to be because it's something you want to do. I have enough love within me and around me, you're never obligated to love me back. My love has also brought joy, healing and more love. I am always in love, in love with something, someone or somewhere. I like being in love with the world around me, even the dark parts I can find the light and give love to make it brighter.
I'm not perfect, I have my moments of unloving. I'm talking to you, the person on the highway who doesn't use their blinker and barely had room to come over in front of me. I'm talking to you, the person who beats on the partner they supposedly loves because they found a reason to be upset and vents it on them. Somewhere along the line, someone didn't have love and they ride on that pain like a wild bronco. The hooves connecting with so much around them, hurting everyone before they're thrown off and realize the damage they've done. If they ever get thrown off at all. But be there, in the wild mess left behind, to give love in any way you can.
Giving love might not be your purpose or mission, but it is mine. And I will tally forth relentlessly.
From my everlasting heart to yours,
Love, Me