What is Marriage?

• Posted by Fr. John Yates - U.L.C. New Catholic Order February 22, 2013 - #  #marriage  #Advice  #couples counseling  ##love  #counseling ( in all areas)  - 789 views

  I have been a non-denominational minister for a few years. In that role, I have counseled couples in the pre-marital course, during the marital course and even toward the end of the marital course. How do we determine what a marriage is? What does it truly mean to "be" married? During pre-marital discussions I talk with couples, first as individuals, and second, as a couple. One of the questions I always ask is, "What does marriage mean to you?" It's not a trick question or one to shake the foundation of their love, but to get them to question themselves, personally, and as a couple on the meaning of marriage. You may think this is an article solely disposed to defining a marriage, but maybe there is more when you read on.

   

  What Does it Mean to Be Married?

  When asking couples what marriage means, you definitely get a lot of answers. Some serious, some seemingly out there a little bit. The more common answers given are trust each other, be loyal, love unconditionally, live together forever, to always be, to love each other for our faults instead of in spit of them. While these are all good answers, there really are no wrong answers. They are really only scratching the surface of a marriage. After all, a marriage is not easy. Being married, and doing so happily, is a lot of hard work.
  Spiritually and scripturally, there is an explanation of what it means to really be married. There is only one (1) verse I have found about marriage that is repeated four (4) times in the Bible. This verse is found in the books of Genesis, Matthew, Mark and Ephesians. Genesis 2:24 states, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Matthew 19:5, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Mark 10:7-8, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. Then, Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
  God put this in the Bible 4 times. It must be important. It is what it means to be married. However, what does all of it mean? I will examine each part of the verse as to what it means and does not mean.
  Leave, Cleave, and one flesh are the highlights of the verses. What does it mean to leave ones parents, to cleave to another and become one flesh?

  Leave, Cleave, and One Flesh

  

  Leave
  
  What does it mean to leave ones parents? Husbands and wives are both commanded to leave their parents. Perhaps it is easier to first look at what it does not mean?
  Does it mean to forsake the relationship a husband or wife has with their parents? No. Mark 7:9-13 makes very clear that God does not approve of this and even reemphasizes the need to "honor your mother and your father" and that by not honoring them, you are nullifying the word of God.
  Does it mean you have to live in a different city or state? No. It means that you must take up your own home. You still have a great relationship with your parents, but not in the same house.
  What does it mean to leave?
  It means that the marital relationship is the PRIORITY relationship. All other relationships must be secondary to your marriage.
  It means you are more concerned about your spouse's ideas, wants and concerns more than those of your parents.
  It means that you must NOT try to change your spouse because there is something about them your parents do not like; and,
  It means that your parents are no longer your primary council, nor are you financially dependent on them. Look to your spouse for your council, your finances, your affection, your intimacy and your love.
  
  Cleave
  
  What does it mean to cleave to another? Is it like a meat cleaver? Don't laugh, I have been asked that one. Of course not. A meat cleaver separates flesh and bone. Whereas to cleave to another means to become glued to or joined to another. Mark 7:9 states, What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Marriage was meant to be permanent. Malachi 2:13-16 makes this very clear; Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. "The man who hates and divorces his wife," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. Also look at Romans 7:2-3, and Matthew 19:8-10.
  
  One Flesh
  
  One flesh is a direction to a one-flesh relationship. The two become one, in all ways. The act of sexual intimacy in a marriage is good, pure and holy. Hebrews 13:4 states, Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. It is only within the bounds of matrimony in a portion of the one flesh where sexual intimacy and intercourse are holy and pure. However, one flesh is more than one simple act. Remember the marriage is a lot of hard work. Proverbs 31:12 denotes this for wives in that, She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Ephesians 5:28 states this fact for men in, In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Each marriage is a team and each team mate is more concerned about the others needs, wants, and desires than they are for their own.

  Values of Married Couples 

  We all have values. Married couples have values. You as individuals have values. Go your values mesh? Are there religious obstacles? Believe it or not, I have counseled many couples who, during the dating process, religion was not an issue. However, when it was time to get married. Wow...the beliefs appeared and it was a scene from Rocky II. As a couple, you need to discuss the core values you each have individually, and what they mean to you as a married couple. Be open and honest. This is the time to really strengthen your bond as a couple.

  Growing in Love

   

   

  One of the best things we can do for our spouse is to choose them wisely. Nothing is sweeter in marriage than the love that grows with it. Love is not jealous, or unkind. Love is forgiving. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says it best. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
  
  On your own look up and read Song of Solomon, also called Song of Songs or the Canticles. It is a special song between a new married couple. Become drunk with love in each other. The intimacy, the love and of course, the foreplay and love making is exquisite. God designed sexual intimacy in marriage to be honorable, pure and a significant part of any marriage. If you doubt its there, I leave you with 1 Corinthians 7:3-6, The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.