When you have 5 children; ADHD is a requirement - not an option. They have their ups and downs, their ornery moments, fighting moments and they happen all at the same time. My oldest is 19 and my youngest is 6. So as I reminice about each one - I have a sense of pride, fear and joy all at the same time...
Shy and Tiery were about 3 & 4 when they became eerily quiet. Every parent knows that when the kids are loud - we can handle it; when they are quiet a parent goes into stealth tiger mode and moves very quietly to locate the issue. We listen for the slightest noise, smell, and actually "feel" for the presence of childrens actions because we are not sure if what we see is real, and no ninja can move faster if need be then a parent in this mode! I open the door to find my daughters have turned into -Aliens! They had shiny skin and their hair was pointed straight up, and off to the sides. The culpret had been an opened jar of vaseline they decided to put in their hair! I believe in long hair as a covering - not 4' off the top pointed in different directions! Their "reasoning" of doing this? "Pa puts gel in his hair to look pretty. Do we look pretty, Mommy?" Took a week to get that stuff out of their hair and had to use a dish-soap degreaser type.
Shy was about 14 when she wanted to go to church with me. We went and the pastor ask the question: "What is the first thing you do when you have a problem?' My girl shouted out (as all teenagers sometimes do) - "Duh! Prraayy - who doesn't know that?" and on another occasion when her dad took her to a church where he grew up she actually was asked to leave because she was, "Teaching things that were to advanced for the kids." The pastor there asked, "Where is heaven?" Shy replied with; "Within you." Pastor said, "No. Where is Heaven." Again Shy repeated, "within you." He became upset with her and said, "Prove it." so she did and showed him the scripture where the pharsee's asked Jesus where was this kingdom of Heaven was located and he simply said, "Within you." I'm still proud of her wisdom!
Tiery is my tiery dear. She is a wonderful actress! On more than one occasion though I've had to remind her she wasn't going to get an Oscar from me, but if she'd like I could call the committee and she can audition there for her attitude. Tiery is the funniest person to tell a joke to tho' and is a joy to be around when she is happy, and is very loving. When she was little she didn't want no one but mommy. My favorite time was when we were at a park and the kids were all little and she found a mouse. She played with the mouse until it died, and she ran and brought it to me crying and I told her how Jesus prayed for his friend and he came back to life. She asked me to pray for the mouse and bring it back. I had to remind her that animals have to live free and can't be played with so roughly. If we prayed for the mouse and God decided to bring it back - we have to leave it live free. But if God didn't want to - then we would have to bury it so it can live free with God. She agreed. So I told her to pray and ask God herself and promise to let it go free. I held it in my hands with her hands on top of mine, and we prayed. The mouse moved and poked it's head out and she was so happy! So we did as promised. We let the mouse down by some bushes and it scampered off like nothing was wrong. No limping, no wabbling. It was awesome! So when she gets a little drama now - reminding her of how we need to sometimes just pray for people and let them go has been her calming mechanism because she remembers the mouse.
My oldest son Koda Bear is definately my funniest child with the biggest sense of humor. When he was little he told me he wasn't going to go to school and I wasn't going to make him. I told him he can go with me for a ride. I got his clothes and back-pack put the other kids in the van and we drove to school. He complained the whole way that he was only comng along for the ride and was in his pajama's. We got to the school, the girls went to play before the bell rang and my sons and I went into the office. We went into the nurses office and I handed him his clothes. As he complained how he wasn't going to school - he got dressed. I asked him why he didn't want to come to school and he went on to tell me all his "reasonings" while I handed him his back-pack and jacket and in the middle of telling me - the bell rang and he ran to class. The secretary watching this whole episode asked me what just happened. I explained that Koda didn't realize the anchors that were placed in him. The bell ringing is an anchor that he better line up so he wouldn't be late to class. It became a habit. So in even though he was complaining - he still followed his anchors. The only thing that was switched was dressing. She was confused. I had to explain the system. wake-up, brush teeth, clean up, get dressed, go to school, play, bell rings line up, go to class, come home, homework, play, dinner, clean up, bed. All of these are things we do every day Monday through Friday. They are anchors. He refused to go to school, so as he began to complain about what he wasn't going to do - His body functioned on the anchors. Because that system was so regular, once he heard the school bell he instantly went to class. He probably relized once he had gotten to his class room that - oh! Man! I'm in school!
My youngest son Zemi has a heart of gold! He was always telling everyone he loved them. I'd put him in a shopping cart and he would wave to everyone and say, "I love you!". He put so many smiles on so many people and I thought to stop him, but I didn't because he was tiny, cute, and could get away with it to make somebody's day better! He was about 4 when I recieved a phone call from a police officer at the school. The officer said, "We are calling because your son was running around the school in his underware, and we were wondering what was going on at home." Shocked and confused I said, "Did you ask him why he did that?" He said, "No." I said, "Let me talk to my son, and put him on speaker so you can hear me." I asked him, "Son. Why were you running around in your chonez?" He said," MOM! I was in-biz-able! The teacher scared me and I did like that woman on Fabulos 4. When she got scared she took off all her clothes and was inbizable, and so I was inbizable too!" I said, "Son. That movie isn't real, and if you were invisible you wouldn't be in the office. Why were you scared?" He said, "The teacher was mad at me and I got scared." I said, "Why was she mad?" He said, "I don't know. She didn't tell me." I said, "Let me talk to that cop guy again." I told the officer, "Seems like the problem isn't at home. Seems like the problem is at school. Why would my child have to feel so afraid he needed to be invisible? I'd like to file charges of child abuse against the school for scaring my child so much he had to be invisible." The officer said,"Well, ma'am. We don't have to go to that extreme." I said, "Really? Because you are an officer calling me from the school to question if there is anything going on at home. That tells me that they called DDS and filed a report and then had you call me. All I would like to do is counter suit for false accusation, child endangerment, and harm to a child for scaring him to the point he had to feel invisible. Then no one asked the child and at such a young age - he couldn't possibly lie - what happened, and it wasn't investigated properly which falls under the Exclusionary Rule." The Officer was silent. Then said, "Obviously there is nothing going on at home, and yes I will investigate this further with the school and I will get back to you." I never recieved a phone call, but when My son got home I told him he couldn't watch any movies until I seen them first 'cuz I didn't want him to ever feel invisible again. That's about the time as Parents were taught to "pre-view" all movies!
Now Nat is adopted and has been with us since she was 3years old. She came from a very abusive home. She was 3 yrs old, wasn't potty trained, had hardly no language, weighed 21 pounds and was wearing 18 months clothing. In the 3 years she has been with us she has gained 20 pounds, grew almost a whole foot, and is in 5 T with full language and attitude! So glad she has developed a sense of humor! I'm so proud of her for being able to handle 8 different therapists per week to help with her development. She loves to cook (make tortillias). She has on occastion woke me up to say, "Mom! I have to go to school and I can't drive!" and during nap time would try and remind me, "I don't know how to sleep." Just recently we lost our grandfather and I had to explain what death was. "It's when the body and heart seperate. The body goes to sleep and the heart goes to God." "The body is a sleep?" I said, "Yes." So in the middle of the choir singing she gets really mad and hollars at the choir, "Hey! Be quiet! You're going to wake up that dead guy and I don't want him to scare me!" We left early.
The smiles, the laughter. I love my kiddo's with my whole heart! All of them! Look for the good in people, and you will find it, but it has to be done on purpose. I'm reminded of a time when my girls were fighting over a shirt. "Mom! She took my shirt without asking!" The voices were so loud and then they began to shove each other and I said, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Before you girls do this I need to do something..." All the kids stopped and looked at me. I ran and made popcorn. Told the boys to sit on the couch, and positioned the girls in the middle of the living room. Gave each child sitting on the couch a bowl of pop-corn. Sat down on the floor and said, "OK... It was getting really loud so I figured if this was going to be a fighting match... you girls need an audience. Here we are. Now ---GO!" Ate some pop-corn while the girls both looked at me and blinked. They looked at each other, then looked at the other kids on the couch cheering them on to fight. In unison they both said, "this is stupid." I said, " I thought fighting over a shirt was stupid, too - but you girls insisted so I figured we might as well start charging admission." They couldn't do it. The shirt went back to it's orignal owner and we all ate pop-corn and laughed about how dumb that situation was. I said,"Well. Most people get loud for one of two reasons: They feel like they are not being heard, or they need an audience."
Kids teach us so much. Sometimes I think we need them more than they realize. I know I need mine.