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Wedding question

    • 1 posts
    September 8, 2016 2:39 PM PDT

    Does a wedding ceremony have to have the question "if anyone has cause to say this couple should not be married, speak now" or something similar? I live in Washington state. Thanks

    • 11 posts
    November 15, 2016 5:45 AM PST

    It doesn't have to but I think it was placed there for when two people are floundering in that heady place of love and marriage they might intentionally or unintentionally overlook or ignore issues or situations that should be considered before marriage. Granted it leaves the door wide open for an uninvited and possibly irrelevent statement from someone who is bent on disrupting things but it at least gives a chance for something important to be addressed.

    • 31 posts
    December 1, 2016 3:33 PM PST

    I have seen the following with variations to meet the needs and beliefs of the couple

    As Family and friends we gather today in the presence of God and witnesses for the covenant of Marriage or Holy Matrimony.

    Bob, do you freely and without reservation enter in to this covenant.

    Cindy, do you freely and without reservation enter in to this covenant.

    Do any of the family or friends have any reservation about Bob and Cindy entering in to this covenant.

    Let us pray


    Let us as loving family & friends join with Bob and Cindy in this holy covenant ordained by God and

    whatever is the order of the ceremony or what you and or couple wanted to do.

    Any feedback is appreciated and improves what we do and who we serve.

    • 32 posts
    December 1, 2016 5:45 PM PST
    I have heard variations of "Do all present affirm this union?" and the guests and all attending say "we do" or "yes". I like the positive spin by using this wording and the active inclusion of guests et all.
    • 31 posts
    December 1, 2016 5:59 PM PST

     "Do all present affirm this union?"

    I really like this too, viewing it in the positive.



    • 32 posts
    December 2, 2016 4:43 AM PST
    You're welcome. Happy to pass along positivity that I've learned from others!
  • February 14, 2017 8:25 PM PST

    In Ontario, we ask if those present support the couple. Significant negative response (more than one voice) requires investigation. A single person can be temporarily ignored. However, the grounds for the rejection may need to be investigated.

    • 32 posts
    February 14, 2017 8:30 PM PST
    I struggle to understand why anyone would wait until the ceremony to voice concerns. Does this ever happen? Why not speak objections before the ceremony?
    This post was edited by Auntie Moira at February 14, 2017 8:30 PM PST
    • 11 posts
    February 15, 2017 6:17 AM PST

    The only incedent I can think of involved a man who was still married to another woman but kept it quiet. No one in the wedding party knew about it (go figure) and it was found out right before the ceremony. It's rare but it does happen.

    [blockquote]Auntie Moira said: I struggle to understand why anyone would wait until the ceremony to voice concerns. Does this ever happen? Why not speak objections before the ceremony?[/blockquote] 



    • 31 posts
    February 15, 2017 12:37 PM PST

    Could it be a very old tradition whose reason is long lost?

    Thinking about this I came up with this idea. How about asking the couple if they have any desire for this or any other variation of this included or excluded?

    • 32 posts
    February 15, 2017 2:55 PM PST
    Switching venues, but related. What would it be like if we asked similar questions at executions? What if we asked "Do all present support? " or "Do any present object?"

    Just a spiritual thought experiment.

    ~ blessings, may all .... all... Be free free from suffering.

    I do not suppose to know what freedom from suffering for each and all would be.

    I only dream.

    ~ Namaste
    This post was edited by Auntie Moira at February 16, 2017 12:51 PM PST
  • February 16, 2017 7:29 PM PST

    The time it happened when I was doing the ceremony, we had the bride and groom pull the person aside when the paperwork was being signed. Turns out, the person thought it would be funny to object (they were already 3 sheets to the wind, one problem with an open bar while the guests are waiting). Needless to say, we had a bit of a discussion about what was appropriate, but at least I didn't have to use my drill square voice. They at least had the common sense to look sheepish when they found out that I could have stopped the ceremony and asked them to explain themselves before carrying on with it (actually took a bitt of liberty with that, but I was firing for effect, not just to startle).

    In Ontario, the investigation of objection is left to the officiant, as long as there's some logic to it, and the people involved are happy. For a spurious objection, it is perfectly alright to make the person feel uncomfortable, but I prefer doing it in private, rather than publicly. For a serious objection, it's better to do it privately anyhow, as the ceremony itself is just theatre. The real thing is the signatures on the paperwork.



    This post was edited by John Anderson, CD, CIF Mons ON at February 16, 2017 7:32 PM PST
    • 14 posts
    April 5, 2017 2:43 PM PDT

    The question is not asked at a Jewish wedding ceremony.